Forum Topic

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS.

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS.For some people it is not bearable to think about, or to plan for their own funeral or for that of their spouse. However in these uncertain times I believe it is a responsible thing to do to take some of the pressure and grief off family members by not leaving things to late. Myself and my wife have taken steps to leave very little for our family members to worry about regarding these arrangementsWe have taken steps to arrange Pure Cremation funerals which was catapulted into the news a few years ago by singer David Bowie. For instance, if I die first, my wife will contact a funeral director in Hampshire. They will take care of all the arrangements needed. I would be collected from my home or from anywhere else and taken to Hampshire to to the funeral director's own private crematorium for disposal. No flowers, no family present and no funeral service. Arrangements have already been made for a memorial service shortly after my death.The benefits of doing things this way is that the cost to my wife and family is minimal. If I die at home the cost of the complete funeral arrangement is £1195.00 or £1.445 if I die in hospital or nursing home. The average cost of a cremation funeral in the UK is £3,986, sometimes thousands more.Being a very competitive business I am sure that some funeral directors would charge less than £1195.00.Nobody wants to die, but time and unforeseen events befall us all. In the mean time wash your hands and socially distance.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d23 Comments

Thanks for your post Neil.  It's a shame you spoiled it with a sales pitch, which personally, given the current circumstances is exploitative and insensitive.  I hope W4.com charges you advertising rates at the least for your pretty disgusting pitch.

Claire Moran ● 2101d

Both my parents paid for their funerals approx. 30 years ago via Age Concern. My mother died 19 years ago and, as far as I'm aware, all went smoothly, although my father dealt with it. Two weeks ago, my father passed away, and the Age Concern policy had links to a range of funeral directors, of which my sister and I chose a local one, and they told us what we'd get under the plan! All good so far but the funeral is still not for a few weeks.

Michael Brown ● 2101d

Hi Claire. No sales pitch although i realise that my post should have read Direct Cremation. If we can find someone cheaper than £1195.00 we would use them instead.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d

Thinking abou it, especially as Michael Brown has posted on this, I think i was too harsh on Neil, in which case, sorry, Neil. Having seen the chaos that can ensue, from parents and other relatives,  my own place (hopefully decades away) is booked and paid for in Chiswick New Cemetery, as close as I can get to both my parents in Chiswick Old Cemetery.  Maybe sounds weird, but having seen the arguments, not just in my own family but friends and their relatives, over everything including where the loved one would be buried, I wanted that part of my will definitively sorted, no disputes, arguments and personally I hate the idea of cremation for me and my loved ones.  If I could post a skull and crossbones emoti here I would :)What a miserable topic but one thousands are facing at the moment.  Sorry, Neil, if my original post to you was a bit harsh.

Claire Moran ● 2101d

Yes, I am sorry, Neil, see my post above

Claire Moran ● 2101d

Sorry about your father Michael. I am glad he had the foresight to sort a plan out years ago. When my uncle was asked years ago if  he had a funeral plan he said he wasn't bothered as someone else would have to worry about that when he died. And when he did die it was left to my father to sort out the mess.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d

No problem Claire. I could kick myself for not putting direct cremation in the first place and you can't edit posts like you can on Facebook. I am not being morbid but I am 68 and with the covid issue I wouldn't want unscrupulous funeral directors trying to persuade my family that I would have liked the best coffin and fancy limousines and other unnecessary expenses.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d

Thanks, Neil. My father knew his days were coming to an end and kept reminding me of the plan and where it was kept. It has helped. There are so many things to sort out, and at such a difficult time, it's one less thing to worry about. My only concern would be - investing in a plan with a company that had 'disappeared' come the time.

Michael Brown ● 2101d

Thank you, Neil, my initial response to your post was unwarranted, and yes I think most of us on here have regretted posting at one time or another and unfortunately we can't change it. Thank you for your kind words.

Claire Moran ● 2101d

I am sorry for the loss of your father, Michael, I think the vast majority of us find it very difficult indeed to get over the loss of our parents, whether they were the most brilliant parents or not.  I miss mine desperately every single day, they were totally amazing.

Claire Moran ● 2101d

Thanks Claire, and I'm sorry you've not got over your loss, which I understand. I have long dreaded the day of my father's passing, and I'm dreading the funeral too. We didn't always get on that well, but it makes no difference; he was my dad, and he did so much for me when growing up. It makes no sense, but puts so many things into perspective. I'm sure most of us feel that way.

Michael Brown ● 2101d

As I understand it there is no need to take out a funeral plan.  You can arrange to have the funeral costs covered in the will via probate.  Funeral directors are prepared to wait to have the bill settled.

Lucy Chambers ● 2101d

Hi Lucy. When I visited a local funeral director years ago to discuss my future funeral arrangements, direct cremation wasn't a big thing then. He did warn me that if I just left the matter to my wife after my death, some funeral directors would put pressure on her to give me the best (and most expensive) send off. There will be no pressure on her now as I have already sorted it.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d

'Mornin' Michael (pi)..Sorry to hear of your dad.  Hang on tight to the good and leave the rest behind..Excellent thread Neil.  Well done.  You too Claire..I lost my mum (96) nearly three years ago.  If she could have got away with it she wouldn't have had a funeral.  Just a simple cremation was all she wanted, no fuss, no cars, no audience, no music, no flowers – nowt.  Spiritualism was very fashionable in the early 20th century and remained so right through to the 1960's.  As far as mother was concerned, when she died she was just “going home.”I looked everywhere and found the simply wonderful Poppy's Funerals in South London - who understood exactly what I meant and did everything she wanted, with absolute discretion, complete dignity and beautiful taste (it was also ridiculously cheap).    Except we didn't comply with mum's instruction of no audience.  Because I went.  And I took my wife and daughter.  Just the three of us who had cared for her religiously during the last few years of her life.I  won't go as far as to say I discovered God at that funeral.  But it came close.  The service before my mum was obviously for an opera lover.  Had to be.  Because as they were coming out and mum was going in they were playing (very loud) the intro to La Traviata.  I whispered to the girl from Poppy's to leave the tape running.  So, as we stood deep in our own thoughts at the catafalque, mum was treated to her favourites from Madam Butterfly.  Then finally, just as her cardboard coffin started moving back, they played the wonderful trio from Der Rosenkavalier.  Fabulous stuff.  Probably exactly what I'd have chosen had I been allowed.  But in this case, brilliantly directed by nobody.  Floods of tears..That was late May.  Mid June on the sunniest of days, we held a massive wake in our garden for all her friends and relatives.  We did her proud..

Stuart Kerr ● 2101d

Wondrous story, Stuart.  Thanks!

Alastair Banton ● 2101d

Lovely post Stuart.

Neil Milkins ● 2101d

People might also consider leaving their body to the medical school of a hospital, for vivisection, to help in the training of new doctors and surgeons, Neil.Then, there are no funeral "arrangements" to pay for, unless you ask for, and pay for, a separate Memorial Service.Like a cremation, there isn't anything left of you (well, perhaps a few blibs andd blobs). And I read a couple of days ago that the crematoria are now working almost round the clock, leaving a nasty whiff in the the air of their locality.

Roger Talbot ● 2100d

My cousin tried to do that but they didn't want her body apparently.  This was a long time pre-covid.If you die in hospital they will want the name of a funeral director to collect you from there and then you will be involved in the process.If you have lodged your Will with a Solicitor whatever is written in your Will re your wishes including't funeral arrangements may not be as easy to access as if you have already spoken to your family beforehand.My father told me that he was past his sell-by date and tried to talk to me about it but I couldn't deal with it.  I wish we had been able to talk because he had a stroke and then couldn't communicate.I heard an expert in elderly care talking about it recently and saying that the elderly so often want to discuss death but that their families when they broach the subject tell them that they shouldn't talk about/worry about the subject.  I'm sure discussion helps to make the shock and sorrow of the inevitable a little less painful.I know that my effort of collecting flowers and leaves from all around a much loved garden and weaving them into the wreaths for my parents helped.  The poem to go with my mother's order of funeral written by her young niece was really special too.I don't know if people heard this but this is a very beautiful poem written and read by Dorothy Duffy in honour of her sister Rose - a victim of Coronavirus:https://twitter.com/BBCRadio4/status/1354121897915658245

Philippa Bond ● 2100d

Claire,You are so angry all the time. It’s immature and needy.

Rowland Ellam-Bell ● 2098d

You're going to get both barrels in the morning !That's the day's entertainment sorted.

Ben Gemmingen ● 2098d

She doesn’t wake up until the afternoon. She’s so fake too.

Rowland Ellam-Bell ● 2098d

Bell-end. Honestly  what a complete di**head you are, and a very unpleasant one too  whoever you are. Sound like a fake name to me. Bet you're a Trump  supporter. What makes you think you know anything about  my lifestyle? Arrogant little horror.

Claire Moran ● 2098d

Thanks everyone for all your comments although some of them have baffled me. Keep well.

Neil Milkins ● 2098d