Forum Topic

..The Meaning of Life Part Two – Lockdown..

Being currently alive, I have decided I'm nowhere near ready to die - or for life to go on as it did before.   So if some official government zoo keeper comes round this house with a key to unlock my cage I'm bloody well not coming out.Not blinkin'  likely.  Not for anyone.  They'll have to drag me out kicking and screaming.  I'm staying put right here in the corner.  With my stash of wine, the fridge full of the best grub money can buy around Turnham Green, girls running around like Delia Smith times two and cooking up a storm -  and I don't give a monkey's left gonad what the rest of you do or what's going on in the rest of the world.I'm staying put!It's bloody dangerous out there.  Especially for the likes of me but also for most other daft oldies.  These covids mean business.  Whoever sent them and wherever they came from they 'aint very  nice.  Not at all nice.  Nasty as a matter of fact.  Plain nasty.  They don't like us.  They've got a taste for wrinkles.So until some clever sod comes up with some sort of 100% covid killer spray and/or some snazzy sharp jab down the health centre that's guaranteed to see off any stray bug that finds it's way up my right nostril whilst I'm not looking.  Or down me earhole – I'm staying locked up!   Or down.  Or wherever it is that's safe...   D'you hear! Monty Python was right all along..  The meaning of life is NOT death..Not this week anyway.  Not if I can help it.Economy or no economy...So there..

Stuart Kerr ● 2388d13 Comments

Made me laugh Stuart! One of your best!

Richard Kay ● 2388d

Very good, Stuart.  I’m sure a lot of us local privileged bastards will be able to identify with your predicament.Viva Agoraphobia !

Alastair Banton ● 2388d

I'm with you Stuart, but not too closely.  About 2 metres.

Micki Hawkes ● 2388d

Endorse your sentiments, having just turned 70 in years, I'm not yet ready to leave this mortal coil. People show consideration and please respect social distancing, like many others I've paid my dues and would like to enjoy a few years of my retirement. Thank you.

Loraine Pemberton ● 2388d

I don’t think I have seen a thread this long where people agree. And long may it continue! Keep safe everyone.

Stewart Jones ● 2388d

Or Old Guy's Rule?Rule. Stay behind your front door.https://oldguysrule.co.uk/products/british-built-t-shirt

Ken Munn ● 2388d

A bonus in all this is that in future we won't have to endure the awful mwah mwah air kisses when being introduced to complete strangers

Viv Griffiths ● 2388d

Many thanks guys'n'gals.  As you gathered, I was being light-hearted about a very serious business.  Amusing myself on a sunny afternoon...    In retrospect though (and still passing the time of day) I think it fair to add  that I doubt I was that far off an amateur vision of our possible future.Obviously most of us WILL venture out far and wide when we're finally unlocked.  For exercise.  To wander the streets and parks sniffing the air and enjoying that thing called life.  A bit of very gentle shopping maybe for those who enjoy stretching the boundaries..That said I can't see so many of us risking any unnecessary bus journey.  Or taking the tube.  Or even diving for a quickie into even a semi-busy pub.  Or a restaurant.  Or a cafe no matter how quiet.  It's not that we're scared.  Our teeth aren't chattering.  But we have been well and truly spooked.  So some of us will probably accept our new reality and remain careful.Thus I sense (for the little it's worth and without any proof whatsoever) this social distancing lark will stick deep in our mindset and change our habits for quite a while.  Copious hand washing and surface wiping are even now coming into focus in the latest 2021 crystal balls.Anyway and on behalf of us all - good luck to our Oxford scientists and the 70 odd other top-boffin teams worldwide currently racking their brains to come up with the magic vaccination pronto...Meanwhile... I'm being naughty again..Coming soon......  the credits..

Stuart Kerr ● 2387d

OK – here are the final thread credits... Have a fun evening...This was a Twerp News production...On behalf of the CW4.COM GroupIn association with the Prince Harry Organisation and Meghan Markle Associates...Produced by Norrie Paramor Jnr for United Twerp Global UK..From an original Twerp News idea from the novel by Henry James of Twerp International..Conceived and Distributed by the Rt Hon Jimmy McDuff LBC GMT DFC And Introducing Samuel B Covid Jnr as himselfWith Vanessa  Loren as her sister, Nurse Sophia..with Special Thanks To:-  Dirk Bogarde, Frank Bruno, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Lawes and Alan Shearer..Book by Ho Chi Ping and Menn KumFrom an idea by Serena Williams and Jimmy Connors..Production by Macken Bros UKCatering by Smith's Crisps..Best Boy – Barney the DogPhotography -  Jon Perry BScAdditional Material by Catherine Zeta-Jones and Bob Osborne..With special thanks to Ben Stokes OBE, Mrs Stokes, Sir Cyril Smith (1928-2010)  and HRH Princess Anne… carry on...

Stuart Kerr ● 2387d

..a light-hearted thread coming true 10 days later...“More than 60% would be uncomfortable about going out to bars and restaurants or using public transport, should ministers decide to relax the lockdown, a survey for Ipsos Mori suggested.”    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52495201“More than 40% would still be reluctant to go shopping or send their children to school and more than 30% would be worried about going to work or meeting friends.”.. you heard it here first folks.... ;-)

Stuart Kerr ● 2379d

Think life might change for many, possibly prefer working from homeand avoid travelling which is also costly

Janice Evans ● 2378d

Until an effective vaccination is discovered life after lockdown will radically change:-Millions will continue to socially distance themselves voluntarily..Millions will avoid crowds..Millions still won't travel on buses or trains unless absolutely necessary..Millions won't fly in aeroplanes or go on holiday..Airlines will go out of business..World tourism will collapse..All restaurants pubs, cafes and theatres will struggle to survive..ORa sufficient majority will slowly forget Covid and life will return to normal...what's the odds?

Stuart Kerr ● 2378d

Somewhere between the two alternatives I think.

Keith Iddon ● 2378d